The Who and Now

I have been attempting to focus my mind in this present moment. 

 

Photo by David Rivera

On occasion I manage to hone in on this experience, where I have no past and no worries over the future.  These moments are so precious, but each time I realize that I have attained this state it instantly vanishes. 

I am unable to contain the minor frustration as this goal floats just outside my grasp. Each time I reach for it, grasp at it, desire it, it vanishes. What is "it"?

I am nobody, and that is when I am the happiest. 

We all want to be somebody - proud of where we came from, and the events that have shaped us into who we have become.

Everyone has a story, heritage to be proud of, and battles won. Identities we cling to.

We are all so desperate to hold onto these objects that we identify with. They make us who we are, but these moments are gone. Irrelevant.  Delusions.  Dreams. 

We cannot touch these past encounters. What benefit does recalling them actually serve? 

Sometimes I feel as if people who wake up from head injuries with no recollection of who they were previously are truly blessed.  

Such a huge task lies in front of me. Not only must I forget my past, but I also need to disregard the moments that might occur in my future. 

What is this? Is it the notion of "no self" or is it "living in the present"? Maybe these two things are actually one. 

Enlightenment is one thing, built of many things that actually have no separation.

Indescribable - words never do justice to the things I see and feel. Language has so many limitations. 

Words are tools, not toys,  but so often we use them carelessly. 

I talk too much. Words are nothing. A human invention. They can be addictive, and I am hooked. 

Sometimes it feels as if I am a lost cause, only realizing that my words lack value in reflection.   

Progress is the realization of a problem where once no knowledge was present. There was a time when I did not grasp my senselessness. Pride and ego often blind us to our imperfections. 

Gradually things are getting better, but perfection still seems so far away. What knots must I unravel to alleviate this affliction? What is the root cause?

More reflection is needed.

Journey to What is Natural

Today I would like to share a great quote.  The first time I came across this one I thought it was one of the cheesiest, but things change.  Now I recall it with fondness, and it might even be one of my favorites.

"You cannot do yoga.  Yoga is your natural state.  What you can do are yoga exercises, which may reveal to you where you are resisting your natural state". 

- Sharon Gannon (a founder of Jivamukti Yoga)

I don't even know how to explain it, this might be one of the truest quotes I've ever come across regarding yoga.

The yoga exercises  referred to in the quote are asanas, which you can do, but after practicing yoga as a whole, it becomes who you are, feeling natural, and then there is this realization, that its the way you were meant to be all along, or at least that is the best interpretation I can give. Even that sounds a little silly to me.

Like many things I have learned in my studies, this quote is just extremely difficult for me to explain. I'm not sure yoga is something you can explain, especially to somebody who's not there.

People tried explain lots of things to me early on in my yoga journey that, at the time, made almost no sense, but now, in reflection, I am finding that I understand completely.

The journey for knowledge is endless, and ever growing. 

My Journey into Yoga

My Introduction to Yoga

I only began doing yoga about three years ago. I wanted a "yoga booty," tight core, and open hips.  Though it was no spiritual quest, and I was not making an attempt at changing my life, there were many gradual changes, unknown to me, that began with that very first (sloppy) downward dog..

My first goal, splits and handstand, were high considering I was nowhere close to attaining either one of them, but "reach for the stars and even if you miss, you'll end up on the moon." Right?

Now, almost three years down the line, I still haven't completely mastered either technique, but I am getting pretty close. I learned that progress is not only measured by the skills one acquires, but the effort and progress that comes out of a dedicated practice. Also, different people advance at different rates, so using other people as a point of reference is not always helpful. .

Before beginning my yoga journey I never would've claimed to be fit. I wasn't even a healthy eater. Fast food dollar menus and I never made it a point to work out. The starvation diet was always easier then working out and eating healthy.

For most of my earlier yoga adventures I continued on that same path. I felt no need to change the way I was eating or the way I treated my body if I was becoming more flexible and getting skinnier and stronger. Eventually, that gave way to a new found respect for my body and it was no longer logical to be working so hard on my body only to ruin it with garbage food, and neglect. Finally my choices were starting to become healthier.

 (Side note - now that I work out, and eat healthy foods, not only am I fifteen pounds lighter, and a constant weight, I eat all day, every two hours, and never think about if what I eat is going to land on my butt or gut.)

Luckily for me, I have a few good yoga teacher friends, who are always very helpful anytime I have questions.

Eventually my questions lead to a conversation about yoga teacher training. I was surprised and encouraged upon learning how easy it is to become a certified yoga teacher. The idea of making a living doing something I love filled me with excitement. However, I realized, I was not yet quite ready to take on this task.

I still have a lot of class material to learn before I consider myself ready to teach other people. There are also some physical goals I still would like to reach, before I even think about starting teacher training. I am, actually thinking about doing some business classes in the meantime while I continue to prepare myself physically, and mentally. Anything worth doing is worth doing right. This is something I care about so I don't want to do it half assed.

So I begin to study. I read things online. I download free yoga books to my phone. I looked up YouTube videos, and started to learn about the teachings of yoga. I learned about the Yamas and Niyamas. I studied  chakras, and The Eight Limbs Of Yoga, anything I could find. I was thirsty for knowledge.

Someone very close to me once said, "Don't speak about it. Be about it." Wise words that many cannot live by, or choose not to live by. I am no better than anyone else, and often found myself guilty of this, what was I going to do to change it? I realized that if I wanted to become a good teacher it would be necessary for me to be a good example as well.

The teachings of yoga are good ones and I was unable to find any reason not to apply these things into my day to day life:

Being understanding, and tolerating, honesty with ourselves as well as others, avoiding endless chattering with no clear purpose, not coveting things we do not have, and appreciating what we DO have, eating healthy natural foods, looking at yourself before judging others, what purpose, surrendering. The list goes on.

All of these things seemed very positive, and reasonable, to me. If there was a reason not to attempt undertaking them in my day to day life, I couldn't see it, so  I decided that was going to "be about it."

Recently I took some time off from Asanas  to complete a month long, four day a week, endurance and bodybuilding course. Needless to say I was more than a little bit excited to get back into yoga.

In my off time I still tried to keep my mind open and focused on my goals. I abstained from junk food, and eased myself into an all natural, mostly organic, diet.

Back into Asanas for a month now, and I'm ready to grab life, and yoga, by the balls.

LETS DO THIS THING!