Energy or Anxiety? (5 things you can start doing NOW)

Someone once told me that they loved my energy level. Go, go, go. Busy, busy, busy. Always on the move, from one thing to the next. A mover and a shaker, productive, and active.

I don't like the term busy body, but for lack of a better description, that is what I was. Boundless energy, and a strong desire to keep moving. If I wasn't "doing something" I became fidgety and anxious.

Most of my life these actions continued without investigation. I was constantly hyping myself up, feeding on the energy, pushing my limits in every possible way, both mentally and physically.

I didn't see this as a problem. Why would I? I had become a champion of G.S.D. (getting shit done).

There have always been times in my life where anxiety would creep in on me. Little attacks bringing a general feeling on unease, and shortness of breath. Studying the self, examining my every thought, dinging tirelessly at the root of every emotion has lead me to many discoveries about my habitual anxiety.

All that energy, that busyness, it's almost as if I was addicted to the surges of adrenaline. I was constantly hyping myself up, mistaking anxiety for energy. For so long I was blind to the hurt I was causing myself, literally worrying myself ill. Once I realized I had a problem, my next move was clear.

A change was needed. This had to stop.

Photo by the amazing David Rivera - Revolution Photos

When you have less anxiety you will have more energy. Here are five things you should be doing if you are trying to cut down on your anxiety levels.



1. Drop the "what if's".

Examine where your anxiety is coming from. Do not allow yourself to worry over events that aren't even happening yet. If you are worrying over the future your mind is not in the present and you are missing out on this moment. Greet each situation as it approaches. It is not healthy to get wrapped up in the future.

2. Do your best & forget the rest.

Give everything you do 100%. It doesn't matter if you are washing your hair or working on a huge project at work, give everything your all. If you "fail" remember that your best is all you have to give. If you truly tried your hardest there is nothing to be ashamed of.

 Being hard on yourself or getting stuck on what you could have done is not helpful. Nothing will change the past. Every "failure" is a learning opportunity. Let it go and be grateful for the learning opportunity.

3. Do one thing at a time.

"Hello, my name is PadmaKisa, and I am a recovering multitask-er." Another deadly addiction. If you are multitasking you are probably not acting with mindfulness. Give each task your full attention, you will have better results and less errors. Also being mindful is very relaxing, being able to stay calm with each task you take on leaves little room for anxiety to sneak in.

4. Don't try to control everything. 

There will always be situations that are out of your control. It is much easier to be happy when you decide to go with the flow and stop trying to control what is happening around you. Be open each new situation as it arises.

Also don't pretend you can control what other people do, think, and feel. You only have control over one person - you.

5. Get to know your feelings.

Self-study is very useful. Examine the source of your anxiety and have compassion for yourself. Ignoring the problem will not make it go away. Start a journal or talk to someone you trust about your feelings.

Anxiety is an ancient survival tool, that doesn't serve us well in the modern world. Everyone has the potential to feel anxiety as well as the potential to rise above it.

Crunch - Another Opportunity to Grow

I cringed, feeling the crunch under my shoe. Praying for a leaf or a potato chip, I slowly lifted my foot. As I suspected, the remnants beneath my foot were not those of any plant or vegetable.

The snail was now almost completely unrecognizable.

It's hard to articulate the emotions sifting within me as I leaned forward, taking in the shattered gastropod.  Squinting, I tried to reconstruct fragments left behind by the snail's spiral shell with my mind. What had been a living creature seconds ago, was now disassembled, chunks floating in a greyish goo. 

Unfortunately the snail had become a teacher. - "Dharma gates are numberless, I vow to enter them."

Opening the Door

One second of carelessness had brought a tragic end to this small creature. We have the ability to use our consciousness to become custodians of the earth, but when we act carelessly we often do more harm than good for ourselves and others.

I can't help but wonder if all "accidents" are preventable, caused only by our lack of mindfulness. Deep down I feel this is likely true, but my suspicions will require a more thorough investigation.

"Links in the chain," each action and thought we release begins a new chain of events. We create limbs on the tree of Karma. Our activities reach much further than we often realize. This is why the Buddha put an emphasis on perfect speech and perfect actions.

Rushing out the door this morning, overly excited about the prospect of breakfast, I was careless and killed an animal.

Giving attention to situations around me, it's hard to not notice certain parallels between the way we treat the earth and the way I treated the snail.

Careful well thought out words and actions, coming from a place of pure intention, are priceless creations. Unless more people start to act in a more focused way, I fear our world may be in considerable danger.

 Door opened, I can now thank the departed snail for its guidance.

Words On A Page

Empty white space in front of me

A glowing screen and a black keyboard,

Words spilling out onto virtual paper

Bringing the truth before me over and over again

The sound of fingers carefully tapping

Drumming out my deepest thoughts 

 Just words on a page

Spilling out of me

Words on a page coming to life

Words on a page bringing me into the present

Where everything is just as it is

I have gratitude for this moment 

For ones like these are special

When I can find the time to indulge online

Combining

 Words on a page

Photos by David Rivera.

Sick Days and Days of Self Compassion

I was in middle school when they informed me that my condition was chronic. IBS seemed like a "half assed" diagnosis, considering it came with no real answers. The doctors had run out of drugs, ideas, and advice. I was told they did not know why this was happening to me, or if it would ever stop.

This was my puberty. I was constantly sick and in pain. I was truly miserable. Most days I wanted to throw in the towel and give up on everything. My flame was burning low, but something inside kept me going.

Fortunately, as I entered high school, the illness began to clear up. There are people who suffer their entire lives with the debilitating symptoms of IBS. I was extremely fortunate. By the time I started tenth grade all of the  symptoms that had plagued me though out junior high were gone.

A miracle!

In the beginning I spent a lot of time worrying that my ailment would return but eventually, after being symptom free for an extended amount of time, the fear began to dissolve. Now seemingly invincible, I could eat anything I wanted without the slightest fear of  repercussions.

I was one hundred percent symptom free for just under ten years. That silly, smiling, girl was back.

The doctors were wrong. . . I. . . was. . . cured. . .

Unfortunately, my assumptions were incorrect.

Over the past 4 years I have suffered numerous attacks. At first the symptoms were infrequent, only one or two sick days in the first year  and a half of their return. I was grateful.

Before I had allowed the disease to consume my entire life. (It was hard to not to, I could barley function.) This time the attacks were much less disruptive, allowing me to continue my life outside of being sick. 

As the illness crept back into my life, I was determined not to allow it to drag me back into the darkness. I truly believe my Dharma practice has been the key to unlocking my ability to stay positive though this suffering. 


What is different this time around?

1. Mindfulness. I have been spending a LOT more time lately "just being" focusing the mind on now, and acknowledging all of the sensations  as they are within me. The goal is not to resist or follow them. Needless to say some days are still more successful than others.

Before starting a mindfulness practice I was unable to notice many subtle movements within my physical body. Now more aware of "new" sensations, I am able to taking mental notes of small symptoms that would have previously gone unnoticed. 

2. Took learning into my own hands. I studied food, nutrition, and digestion.  The good, the bad, the amazing, and the ugly. Learning about how the human digestive tract works to fuel our bodies with nutrition has changed my world in ways I can not even begin to explain.

Understanding digestion has taught me what to look for in my body, and it has become much easier to spot symptoms more effectively. Unlike before, this time around, I was able to have a very productive and knowledgeable conversation with my doctor. I victoriously headed for home, head high, armed with solid information about what was happening in my body and a plan that would have my IBS on the run.

3. Self compassion. In round one with IBS, my preteen solution had been to power through it. Grin and bear it. I was tough, hard. I learned to push and fight against my body, bending it to my will. (Or at least that is how I tried to think of myself.)

Although I started a compassion practice a few years ago, I have never been one to have compassion for myself. Even now, self compassion is something that I must work to be mindful of. My aching gut and tired body were the best place for me to start practicing self compassion, right where I needed it the most.



Maybe all these things helped me to battle with this stomach beast, or maybe the sickness helped me to focus more inward on these values. I am not sure, it is still something that I am reflecting on. I do know that, this time around, I am not going to let IBS get me down. 

A Buddha in the Office - 5 Tips For Bringing the Dharma to Work

Depending on where you work, remaining calm and mindful though the work day may seem like a nearly impossible task. Many jobs these days are extremely high pressure (or is it that we perceive these jobs as high pressured?).

With all the demands and deadlines, how can we be Buddhas all day every day, especially where we need it the most - at work.

Here are a few things to try or consider:

1. Do not worry over "who's job is it". If there is a job to do, and you are capable - Do it! How can you expect to cultivate oneness in the work place if your mindset fosters an "every man for himself" attitude. If everyone works as a team, your workplace will flow harmoniously.

2. Task Lists. Don't get hung up on how much you have to do today. If you start out your day dreading your ever-growing task list, you are preparing yourself for a bad day. Your mind will go where it has been mentally dressed to go. You can do this, just jump in. When faced with a multitude of tasks, organize your task list in order of urgency. Then start from the top.

• Do one thing at a time, giving each individual task your full attention as it arises. Just do the next thing, and then the next thing, until your list is complete.

• If  your job allows for other tasks arise during your day, drop them into your task list in the appropriate spot in accordance with it's importance, or deadline. You are only human, and can only do so much in one day. Don't stress. 

3. Never stop appreciating your job. If you take what you have for granted you are bound to loose it, or loose your love for it. It is important to love what you do. Perspective is a large part of this. Try to focus on all the things that you enjoy about your job. If you cannot find things to be grateful for at work, perhaps it is time to move on.

4. Connect with your coworkers on a deeper level. There may be some people in the office that you instantly "click" with, but an office full of "click-ie" people can quickly become a negative environment. Make an effort to really get to know the people in your office that fall outside of your "inner circle". Think inclusion not exclusion.

5. Be a leader. Even if you are not in a management roll, be a good role model and a leader.  True leaders do not ask to become leaders, their virtues and compassion naturally attract followers.

The Perils of Plans & Our Attachment to Them

It is easy for us to start carving out plans for how we hope our lives will play out. In itself making plans is not necessarily a bad thing. Problems arise because of the way we tend to interact with our plans, with attachment, as if nothing can derail them.

It is impossible to predict future events with one hundred percent accuracy, even short term. We can make an educated guess about what will happen in the next five minutes, but still nothing is set in stone. There are always unknown variables, chances for instantaneous change due to karmic actions occurring in every moment. 

This is why living in the present moment is more valuable than many people realize. We tend to "fear" what is unknown to us, thus planning out and predicting the future brings us comfort. When we predict future events accurately our egos are inflated, and we are normally very happy (assuming we were predicitng something positive). 

Our happiness largely depends on our adaptability in  handling situations where we are faced with the unforeseen - going with the flow.

Think about a time when your carefully laid out plan did not go how you had hoped. How did you feel? Were you filled with disappoint and frustration or did you greet the new circumstances with open arms, rolling with the punches? 

"Peace comes from within." It is likely you have heard or read this quote if not, than perhaps something very similar has crept though your mind at one time or another.

When we are attached to an idea of how we think something should be or how a situation should play out, we are setting out minds up for failure. 

It is alright to make plans. It is very difficult to live in this world without making plans. In order for us to get to work on time, pay bills, purchase a home, or prepare for retirement, it is necessary to make soft plans. Key word in that sentence - soft. 

The best way we can prepare for an uncertain future is to create reasonable plans, knowing things may not move in the direction we think they will, without being attached to our plans.

We must pay attention to what is happening right now. With an open heart and a clear mind we are able to meet situations as they arise, leaving us better equipped to modify our plans in accordance with the reality of the present moment. Being malleable is key. 

In a raging flood a stone is tossed about wildly in the river, but the fish flows smoothly with the current. We must be fish, gracefully moving with the stream, not rocks jostled about roughly at the mercy of our environment. 

7 Day Mindfulness Challenge - Doors

My generation grew up with Yahoo chat rooms and AIM instant messenger. We accessed the internet at as snails pace, but information was at our fingertips. Internet search engines were the next big thing, and I was in love. 

Almost twenty years later, my love affair with the internet is still alive and well. Although, I like to think that our relationship has matured into something deeply meaningful, exploring Google, and Wikipedia, seeking out answers to life's eternal questions. 

Last week I stumbled across the Vajrayana Institute's 7 Day Mindfulness Challenge. Having just finished a book filled with mindfulness exercises, I was ready to take on whatever 7 tasks the Vajirayana Institute had to offer. One task a day - how hard could it possibly be? 

The first email came in on Sunday afternoon. "Every time you pass through a door direct your attention to the present for a moment. Leaving your home, getting in and out of your car, into a meeting, out for lunch, visiting a friend, and returning home."

An easy one.

Ego was growing.  This assignment was not foreign to me, in fact it was nearly identical to a practice from the book that I had just finished reading. I enthusiastically flagged the email reminder for my "doors practice" to start at eight thirty on Monday morning.

Six in the morning, too darn early. I've never been a morning person. It doesn't matter what time I go to bed, my brain doesn't turn on until at least eight or nine. I was halfway into my lengthy commute before realizing, I'd forgotten about "the doors". 

Shoot. . . Doors... Remember doors. It'll be easier to remember the doors after I've had some coffee. 
 

Working through Monday morning emails, the reminder for the "doors practice" pop up. Realizing I had missed a few more doors since my arrival at the office, I plucked the purple pen from the can behind my laptop and quickly sketched an image resembling the front door of our house onto a hot pink Post-it.

The book about mindfulness had suggested placing sticky notes in obvious places as reminders. I stuck the  Post-it onto the handle of the phone.

As the morning progressed I continued to forget to notice doors. I grabbed a metallic blue marker and wrote the word doors on the underside of my ring finger. It would have been more helpful to write the note on the back of my hand, in a more obvious place, but then I would be stuck explaining my practice all day.

The remainder of my day continued in much the same fashion, only remembering about a third of the doors I entered.  This practice, though simple, ended up being much harder than I had expected. I had been over confident. 

Beginner's mind is a term commonly used in Zen. It refers to an attitude free of preconceptions, even when studying something that is at an advanced level. Like all things, it would have been beneficial for me to approach the "doors practice"  in this fashion.

Humbled, but not discouraged, I am ready for tomorrow's challenge. Hopefully I will become better at noticing doors, entering each one, leaving behind the past and becoming aware of each new moment as it arises.

Determined as I am, only time will tell.