Listening to My Body

My body is a friend.
It is the place that all the pieces of me reside.
Not me, but a place, a home that I must care for and maintain.
What an amazing gift a human body is.
If I take the time to listen, it speaks to me.
My body doesn't ask for much - just healthy, organic foods, exercise and rest.
It asks for so very little, and in return offers me a place to live a long and comfortable life.
How lovely!

Sometimes the mind and body do not seem to see eye to eye.
Work and worldly issues hinder my ability to hear the body's requests.
What a shame.

The downward spiral, slipping and falling.
Putting off exercise and rest.
"There is too much else to do."
Priorities waiver, but the nagging remains in the back of my head. . .

"Lets go for a run!"
"Stop staying up all night!"
"Really, ANOTHER cup of coffee?!"
"Yoga is good foe body and mind."
"Stop and relax - please?"

Eventually I give in.
Back on the right track, but I can't help but wonder how I got lost in the first place. 

Run Run

Be still my racing heart...
Run...
Run...
The mind cannot stop...
Won't stop,
although I beg it.
Where does this urge come from?
The urge to run?
Move...
Move...
The desire to create...
But what am I building?
Relax?
Relax?
I cannot be still...
Inside momentum is building,
The stillness is maddening.
Rush...
Rush...
Why can I not slow down?
Always in over drive...
The break pads are worn.
Relax....
Relax!
How long will I be able to maintain this pace?
The machine is in need or repair.
What would happen if I were to suddenly stop?
Stop...
Would the wheels fall off?
or would the train keep rolling along?

Local Buddhist Center

Photo by Revolution Photos

For a long time I have been suppressing a longing to seek out other Dharma followers. The reason is hard to explain, but I am sure it is tied to my negative history with organized "Christian" religion. I have never been a fan of being told how to act or think.

Releasing memories, living in the now and forgetting the past. That is what this journey is about. What am I really afraid of? I know I am serious about this journey. Right?

Do I think I am going to be sucked into a deep dark cult? No - not really. I honestly do not believe that sort of thing happens to strong minded people. I know that I can walk out if I find anything that is intolerable.

Is it a fear of being judged? I do not typically think of myself as the type of person who worries over what others think of me, but this question keeps arising.

Perhaps I am afraid that I will like what the experience, or maybe I will find displeasure within the Zendo. What if... what if.... all the "what ifs" are irrelevant. 

Here I stand, one foot inside and the other dragging behind, ready to run. "What are you running from?" I ask myself, but there is no answer.

In this moment I am undecided, and tomorrow is not to be worried over. So, tomorrow the question will be, which path will I take?