How Gratitude Has Changed My Life

Not too long ago, I was reading a book filled with mindfulness practices. One of them suggested keeping a gratitude journal. Every night before bed I was supposed to write down at least five things that I was grateful for.

Being a modern woman, I downloaded a gratitude journal app for my phone that would remind me to make my entries. At first I started entering the items regularly before bed. On some occasions I would enter my blessings in the mornings before work.

Upon realizing that the gratitude entries had become less and less frequent, I was a bit disappointed in myself, unaware that an unknown changed had already begun. Even though I was no longer entering items into my gratitude journal, I decided to leave the pop up reminder on my phone.

I started to keep my gratitude journal in my head. At first, any time I saw the reminder display across my screen (two to three times a day), I would look around to see all of the the things that I was grateful for and numbed off a handful of fortunate thing in my head.

Eventually this practice seeped into the foreground of my life. Before I knew it, every time something good happened to me I found myself making mental notes, even about the small things.

As  the gratitude continued to grow, the practice evolved again. Once again, I did not notice  when the shift happened. All of the sudden I noticed myself looking for the good in most situations, even the difficult ones.

Now any time there is a slight annoyance in my life, or something that can be perceived as negative I find myself looking at the positive. For example, when my coffee doesn't taste "just right" in the morning, and my thoughts immediately jump to, "well, I am glad that I have coffee."

It is a big change that seems to have happened over night. I am amazed at how joyful I feel, because I thought I was pretty darn happy before.

I am constantly saying thank you (mostly to myself and in my head, but also out loud and to others). Some days, I have so much gratitude it feels like I might overflow, spilling thank you's all around me. like leaves off a fall tree. There is so much to be thankful for if you open your eyes to it.

Warning this practice can lead to random feelings of happiness and smiling.

A Buddha in the Office - 5 Tips For Bringing the Dharma to Work

Depending on where you work, remaining calm and mindful though the work day may seem like a nearly impossible task. Many jobs these days are extremely high pressure (or is it that we perceive these jobs as high pressured?).

With all the demands and deadlines, how can we be Buddhas all day every day, especially where we need it the most - at work.

Here are a few things to try or consider:

1. Do not worry over "who's job is it". If there is a job to do, and you are capable - Do it! How can you expect to cultivate oneness in the work place if your mindset fosters an "every man for himself" attitude. If everyone works as a team, your workplace will flow harmoniously.

2. Task Lists. Don't get hung up on how much you have to do today. If you start out your day dreading your ever-growing task list, you are preparing yourself for a bad day. Your mind will go where it has been mentally dressed to go. You can do this, just jump in. When faced with a multitude of tasks, organize your task list in order of urgency. Then start from the top.

• Do one thing at a time, giving each individual task your full attention as it arises. Just do the next thing, and then the next thing, until your list is complete.

• If  your job allows for other tasks arise during your day, drop them into your task list in the appropriate spot in accordance with it's importance, or deadline. You are only human, and can only do so much in one day. Don't stress. 

3. Never stop appreciating your job. If you take what you have for granted you are bound to loose it, or loose your love for it. It is important to love what you do. Perspective is a large part of this. Try to focus on all the things that you enjoy about your job. If you cannot find things to be grateful for at work, perhaps it is time to move on.

4. Connect with your coworkers on a deeper level. There may be some people in the office that you instantly "click" with, but an office full of "click-ie" people can quickly become a negative environment. Make an effort to really get to know the people in your office that fall outside of your "inner circle". Think inclusion not exclusion.

5. Be a leader. Even if you are not in a management roll, be a good role model and a leader.  True leaders do not ask to become leaders, their virtues and compassion naturally attract followers.

Learning to Walk (the Path)

My Buddhist journey began with some of the Buddha's very basic teachings. Poking Around the internet, eagerly seeking new information, a weary traveler searching for water in an endless spiritual desert, finally I stumbled across an oasis, the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path.

I must admit, at first, the Four Noble Truths sounded like cryptic nonsense, luckily the Eightfold Path seemed extremely logical to me. Drawn in by its promises, I was quickly engulfed by an unquenchable thirst for this knowledge.

One of the things I, as a "young" student of Buddhism, found joy in was the simplicity of the Buddha's ancient instructions. They are clearly laid out, often numbered, and still very valid in the modern world. 

We are in a blessed age. The internet allows us the opportunity to seek out knowledge about any topic we can imagine. The Buddha's teachings have changed my life, but I can't help but wonder what my life might have been if I had been born in another time or place, one without internet. Would I have had the good fortune of finding this enlightened wisdom?

I am beyond grateful for this discovery, grateful for the changes walking down this path has brought to my life. Prior to this fortunate discovery, although I did not know it, my life was heading in the wrong direction, lost in the woods without a compass on a cloudy night. 

The Eightfold Path pointed me in the direction of the path, but taking the Five Basic Precepts provided me with the guiding light that would illuminate my journey.

Depending on who you ask, the number of precepts varies. Five, eight, ten, sometimes more, but it does seem as if most people are in agreence on the first five basic precepts for lay practitioners (householders, practicing the Buddha's teachings while living out in the modern world).

If my circumstances were different, and I were not chained to the world, perhaps I would venture into a monastic life and take on more precepts. As a person of the world, holding the first five precepts has been truly life changing. 

Although these precepts are now stored in my "mental hard drive", keeping them scribbled near by in a small, hard bound, notebook brings me an unusual amount of comfort. 

They read:

• Abstain from harming living beings.
• Abstain from taking what is not freely given.
• Abstain from sexual misconduct. 
• Abstain from lying. (Wrong speech)
• Abstain from substances and situations that cloud the mind.

All simple enough, but really dedicating myself to adherence of these guidelines has transformed my life in ways that my previous self never could have imagined. 

I am so grateful to have found this path. All I can do now is keep walking. There is no way of knowing where this new road may take me, but it feels as if I am finally moving in a positive direction. 

Aspirations of Perfect Speech

I've always been a talker. I have the ability to produce something to say about almost anything and everything. This is not necessarily a good thing.

In Buddhism there is a very important concept called "right speech". It sounds simple, but right speech is not just saying the correct thing at the most ideal time. The concept runs a bit deeper than that.

I prefer the term "perfect speech". In order to have right, or perfect, speech it is necessary to speak with restraint, only when it is profitable, with truth, and wisdom, at the appropriate time. 

Perfect speech is, purposeful, well supported, clear and effective. It is not idle chatter,  second hand information, or gossip. 

Over and over again, there is a quote that I have come across on the internet regarding perfect speech. It reads like a checklist in my mind.

• Is it true? 
• Is it helpful?
• Is it kind? 
• Is it necessary?
• Is it the right time?

At first, I would catch most of my imperfect speech after it had slipped from my lips. Recognizing something is wrong is the first step to correcting a problem.

Persevering through these early mistakes has lead me to where I am today. Still far from perfect, but spending much more time listening quietly. 

Although recognizing when I am about to use imperfect speech is getting easier, it feels as if I may be working on perfecting this concept for the rest of my life. 

Two years ago feels like yesterday. I remember drawing reminders on the backs of my hands, desperately trying to remember a simple concept, "Think before I speak. Go over the checklist. Do I really need to say that?"

Quickly I realized that, in a pinch, sometimes it's better just to say nothing at all, especially in moments of frustration. Maybe I knew it all along, but ego can easily obstruct this little truth.

The more I learn about these teachings the more I realize their truths and similarities. 

It's funny. These truths are so obvious, but still manage to remain hidden, as if the answers were here all along, always right in front of me.

This gradual awakening is like standing in the middle of foggy meadow filled with beautiful  flowers. We carelessly stumble around, clumsily trampling the beauty we are unaware is all around us.

Studying the Dharma (or truth) is like a cool breeze, gradually clearing the fog from our minds. The deeper we dive and the more we practice, the easier it becomes to see the beauty that was never far away. 

I don't know if I will ever have perfect speech, but it is something that I will keep striving for. If I ever do get there, it would mean I have lost beginner's mind, which would be another problem all together.

A Life with Mirrors

It took me forty five minutes to get dressed today. Forty five minutes just to put my clothes on, not including the time I spent completing the rest of my morning ritual.

Not too long ago I could be out the door, teeth brushed, hair done, makeup, the whole process completed in twenty minutes. 

Outfit after outfit, nothing fit the way I wanted it to. Busted zippers, shirts creeping up above the mid line, cursing the mirror, jumping up and down desperately trying to work my ass into my skinny jeans. There's supposed to be a Buddha in that mirror, but where she was this morning, I could not say.

Less than two years ago I landed my dream job and immediately started building an appropriate wardrobe. Unfortunately, it feels like everything I purchased over the last year and a half has shrunk. 

Impermanence.

Twenty-fourteen, so far, seems to be a great year filled with growth, spiritual growth, personal growth, career growth, ass growth. I could do without the last one, but it is what it is.

Something about mirrors. 

They have always been a fixture in my life, although laity the large mirror in our master bathroom has become a source of frustration.

Reflection is always helpful. Most of us have been told at least a time or two to turn our attention inward. But mirrors don't reflect what's really inside. 

I was an awkward child - pale white skin and jet black hair. In elementary school I was often teased, and called names. Children can be so cruel. 

Little me was soft and sweet, but the constant viciousness of my peers eventually rubbed that tenderness away. 

Looking at that girl in the old cassette tapes, boxes spread across the dining room table, I barley recognize her, yet somehow, that was me. Just a baby stuffed into a lacy, red and white dress. . . or a girl grinning from ear to ear, building Lego worlds with the, dark haired, young boy in front of her.

How can that be us, the inner voice whispers.

Puberty really kicked in over the summer between seventh and eighth grade. With my new hormones came many new emotions, along with boobs, makeup, and a new, unimproved, attitude.

What a shame.

When I was younger, because I had a habit of looking deeply into every mirror I passed, my mother would make comments, concerned about my vanity.  I never felt the need to correct her, since her assumption seemed to imply the confidence that I was trying to portray to the world.

I reflect back on that, stick thin, teenager, desperately trying find her own identity.  It can feel impossible when the entire world is demanding you to conform to its tragically modern ways. 

These memories bring me mixed emotions. She was a bitch on the outside, but  deep down she was putting up walls of protection. 

She could stand transfixed in the mirror for hours, applying layers of makeup. Now determined not to be picked on, even if it meant becoming the bully herself. When did this unfortunate transformation happen?

That foolish girl, working so hard to be beautiful on the outside, so distracted. She didn't even notice how ugly her insides had already become. She was loosing herself. 

I feel the urge to hug that girl. I want to tell her it will all be alright and then somehow shake her out of her foolishness. What a nightmare. Thank goodness I woke up.

 

In more recent days, I care much less about what other people think of me, but I still find myself critiquing in the mirror. It's funny. I don't think I care what other people think, but I don't want to just "let it all go" either. 

Where are my tight tummy and well defined biceps hiding? Are they still in there somewhere, or have hours of time at the gym been wasted? At this moment I am leaning closer to my second answer. 

I'll really be kissing that "yoga butt" goodbye if I don't change something soon. 

Aging is inevitable. Impermanence is a very central Buddhist teaching. I guess I need to spend more time reflecting on this, but still I am not ready to give up my fitness. 

This body is the only on I have, and we're going to be together till the end, and who knows when that will be. Me and my body might as well be good friends and if I get to choose or have any influence, I'd rather it not be falling apart in old age. 

Who we really are cannot be found in the mirror. I know that now. It is all superficial and the mirror is just a tool, although on some days it might be a tool that we could be happier without. 

In the mean time, since we are not going renovate the master bathroom in our new home anytime soon,  the new me and I are going to work on getting better acquainted.

With a little humor, and a fair amount self compassion, I think everything is going to be just fine. I'm not quite thirty yet, and if I'm lucky, I've still got a long way to go. 

Here's to getting older, and to all the Dharma gates that aging can inevitably bring our way.

The Buddhist Who Wore Makeup

Cover the left side to see without makeup.

The Buddhist Who Wore Makeup 

I've always loved putting on my makeup. 

I don't think that will ever change.

In my early teens putting on makeup 

would "make me beautiful"

I've perfected my art over the years.

I can now transform my face in many ways.

Though the way I view makeup has changed.

I am at peace with the woman behind the mask.

I feel beautiful and strong without it, 

but I will always love picking up the brush.

and painting colors onto my face.

Every morning I look forward to the blank canvas.

A new opportunity to start my day out creatively. 

While I am making my art,

I am in this moment,

joyful and relaxed.
This is my awareness.

Life in a Hurry

Life in a Hurry 

I lived my life in such a hurry. 

That it became almost impossible to slowdown. 

Losing myself in the busyness, 

and forgetting who I am. 

Muscle memory taking over. 

Living my life in auto pilot

while life passes me by. 

Never fully present, 

always thinking about the next thing.

That's my life in a hurry.

Aha! A Poem! Kyttnyoga.blogspot.com

My Sangha - The Tempermental Buddha

As I journey down this road less traveled, seeking the spiritual life, I venture into a place unknown by my friends and loved ones. Living in a Judeo-Christian nation, teachers and followers of the Buddha Dharma are a rarity. Living in a small Texas town, there are no Guru's or temples to visit for instruction.

I do not personally know any true "Buddhist practitioners" nor, to my knowledge, have I met any. Some might say that a solitary study of the Buddha Dharma is a hindrance, or possibly even a problem, but I do not see it that way.

The historical Buddha, Shakyamuni, is said to have reached enlightenment after a six year journey on his own, at the age of 35. It is my understanding that on the path to enlightenment Siddhartha learned and studied with religious seekers from a variety of religions, none of them "Buddhist."

Eventually, upon reaching enlightenment, Shakyamuni Buddha was able to share and explain the Dharma that he had learned to his companions and family, rapidly gathering a multitude of disciples.

Despite these difficulties, I am extremely grateful for the tools that I do have, though I still wish I had more free time. Living in modern American society, and having a full time job, leaves very little time for religious study and meditation.

I began my journey on the internet, reading on Buddhist websites and listening to free downloads of Dharma lectures. As my thirst for knowledge grew, so did my sources. A radio commercial for the local used book store, advertising twenty percent off already low prices, directed me to a new source of affordable study materials.

I now take great joy in, and look forward to, spending my spare moments deep in the study of these materials. I feel as if I have come a very long way since taking on my first five precepts. Since I have no traditional sangha to guide and assist me in my practice, I feel that it is my duty to hold myself to a very high moral standard. 

When a student who is involved in  a more traditional, communal, study of the Dharma teachings decides to commit themselves to living a life based on the Buddha's teachings - by taking refuge in the three jewels (Buddha, Dharma, & Sangha) and taking on the first five precepts - there is often a small ceremony, similar to a baptism, where a new "Buddhist name" is given. 

I pondered over taking a name for a while, not wanting to take this commitment lightly. One I felt as if I was ready, the name came easily, but still, I reflected over it for a while.

I don’t see anything wrong with my solitary studies. In fact, I believe this solitude has played an instrumental part in my development of an unbiased practice, forcing me to truly question and test out the subjects of my studies, allowing me to draw my own conclusions about the teachings. 

Lessons and sanghas come in many shapes and forms. I have heard, in sermons, that the Buddha said something to the effect of "anything that leads to enlightenment, take it as my Dharma." I am paraphrasing, but the message was clear to me. 

There is another quote hat I hold near to my heart - “People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.” - Dalai Lama XIV. 

As I hike along through the mountains of my Dharma journey it is apparent that my path is not well traveled. As I push forward, cutting away at the overgrown weeds in my own mind, I have no fear. This is my road, but I am not entirely alone. 

Someone very close to me, who is definitely not a Buddhist, has actually been a huge help in pushing me to pursue “putting my Dharma where my mouth is” with constant reminders like, “Don’t talk about it - be about it.”

This person’s paradoxical tendencies are always intriguing to me. A unique personality, layered with innate Buddha like wisdom, but this vessel simultaneously houses a very non-Buddha like temperament. A living embodiment of Yin and Yang - he is my sangha, and my guru. 

With joy, I chuckle to myself.  "In such an unlikely place. . . My Temperamental Buddha.”